My boyfriend and I are both 29, and we’ve been together for four years. Recently, I stumbled upon a conversation between him and his cousin about my younger sister, who’s 27. My sister and I aren’t close, so I wasn’t aware of any mutual interest—but his cousin has clearly been drawn to her.
They were discussing how “fine” she is, and his cousin remarked how strange it is that sisters can look so completely different. My boyfriend agreed. That’s when I learned something I hadn’t known: before we got together, he had tried to pursue my sister. She turned him down.
He assumed, since we were sisters, we’d look somewhat alike. So he reached out to me. At the time, I was using a popular Snapchat filter in many of my photos—though I also posted unfiltered ones. He messaged me through Facebook, and later admitted he was disappointed when he realized we didn’t resemble each other at all.
He confessed he wouldn’t have asked me out had he known what I looked like. But he didn’t want to be rude and cancel our date, so he went through with it. He told his cousin that I have a better personality than my sister, that I’m more grounded, and that I can cook—so he decided to stay. Still, he said he finds my sister incredibly attractive.
He even joked that if we ever have children, he hopes they inherit my sister’s looks but my personality. That comment broke something in me.
Looking back, he rarely compliments my appearance. The most I get is an occasional “you look nice.” It’s not like I didn’t know I was the less attractive sibling—my mother made that clear growing up. She used to tell me I’d need a good personality to make up for it.
I suppose I succeeded in that. But it still hurts.
Just to clarify—everything he said was to his cousin, not to me directly. We haven’t spoken about it yet, and probably won’t until he gets home tonight.
