Should I (48m) tell my wife (44f) that I received a s6x tape of her in the mail
This is an odd thing. Wife and I have been married 20 years. I’ve never suspected her of cheating and our s6x life has been outstanding.
First of the year, I receive a package in the mail. It’s a DVD addressed to me, and a typed note that says “your eyes only”. It’s my wife having s6x , separately, with three guys. She was younger, much younger, based on body and appearance and hair style it was around the time we were going out—either before, during, or after we were engaged (she grew her hair longer for the wedding and kept it that way).
First I’ve no idea who sent it to me other than one of those three guys in the DVD – none of which I know. I’m assuming it’s one of my wife’s ex. Second I’ve know idea why they sent it. Are they trying to say she was screwing around on me? The tape isn’t time stamped so I don’t have a frame of reference. She kept her hair short for years until we were engaged so it could have been during a block of time, certainly before we dated.
And also what are they trying to achieve if this was taken before we dated? I know my wife had other partners. Hell I had three times the partners she did before we married but that was 20 years ago I think we’re past that. But apparently this person or persons isn’t.
The whole thing is strange. I’m not sure what’s going on. I haven’t told my wife, I’m not sure how she would take it. She’s very s6xual and adventurous but I don’t think she’d like the idea of her past catching up to her. But I don’t think I’ll get to the bottom of this unless I tell her.
EDIT – update. I’m overwhelmed by the responses. Thank you for your interest.
I did speak to my wife yesterday afternoon. Some mentioned letting her watch it in private and I gave her that option. She did and we talked at length. Some of it is a bit clearer now.
The two “amateur” looking videos are two roommates, taken on the same night. That’s why the camera doesn’t move and that’s why the room is the same. I asked why the bed looks different and she replied the sheets were a bit messy so they changed them before they had another go.
The other is a boyfriend she dated when her and I met, before we actually started d@ting. She knows this man is friends with one of the before mentioned roommates and thinks it’s him who got the three videos together and sent them to us.
Why?
She admits that last summer he tried connecting with her on Facebook. When she did he tried to make it s6xual again so she stopped. She thinks he sent the DVD to cause an issue with us.
For the first time I now have doubts. Her answers are logical but seem a bit off to me. And honestly I may be just upset that she did two guys in one night – I know it was 20 years ago but that’s still hard to take call me shallow if you want. Also she didn’t seem shaken by the DVD or the fact I had it, merely irritated that this person sent it. I had the idea she’d rather I didn’t have it but now that I did, oh well.
It still leaves many questions unanswered, such as why the tapes are from 96-97 and the DVD was made in 2013 but I’m just getting it now? That many be minor but it may be everything. Plus how does this gentleman know where I live – Facebook doesn’t give you that information. Being in contact with someone does so now you see why I have doubts.
Thanks to you all for your concern and feedback. I love my wife and cherish her, and her past is her past, but for some reason it’s slapping us in the face right now. I will take some time between the two of us to figure out what is truly going on.
EDIT II – I want to clarify something. I’ve been getting a lot of feedback, mostly negative, where everyone is irritated with me that I’m upset with my wife for being with two men in the same night. None of my business, it was 20 years ago I should man up, that sort of thing.
Look, i said it was hard to take. Most men understand their partner was with different people before them. But SEEING their spouse with two men on the same night is hard to handle. I didn’t say I was changing my view of her, or leaving, or any other angst you want to put on me. It’s just a difficult thing for a married man to see and realize. I’ll get past it , but it’s not an easy thing. And for everyone who says “it was 20 years ago lighten up” I challenge you to sit back, grab a beer and watch two young men have intercourse with your wife on the same night and see how you feel about it. Frustrated at best. You won’t love her less but you’ll not feel great afterwards trust me. So thanks for everyone calling me an AH but until your in that position I’ll ignore you thank you very much .
FINAL EDIT – this will be my final edit. Thank you all for your support but all I will say is, it’s time for me to make some decisions. I hacked into my wife’s Facebook account – childish and immature I’ll admit but I did it nonetheless. And I found things disturbing enough that I need to think long and hard about what I do next. I’ve given her the benefit of the doubt through this entire thing , now a shadow had been cast and I’m questioning her more than ever before. Heartbroken is putting it mildly. It’s time for me to work on my life and my self. Thanks to everyone and their interest .
