My (35M) wife (34F) has recently been asking why I didn’t do “better” in life.
We’ve been married for five years, and overall things have been good. My wife is beautiful, funny, and wonderful. I’m a fully qualified plumber, I earn decent money, and I save reasonably well. She works in retail.
Until recently, my career was never an issue. But a few weeks ago, she reconnected with her old best friend from high school and university. For context, my wife is very attractive, and I’ve always felt like I was “punching above my weight.” Her friend married a man who owns an engineering firm, and they live a very comfortable life. She doesn’t work, spends her days at leisure, and they have luxuries like a nice car, a boat, and investment properties.
After meeting her friend, my wife came home talking about how lucky she was not to have to work. At first, I brushed it off. But when they met again for drinks, my wife—after a few drinks—asked me pointed questions: “Did you study at school?” “Why didn’t you start a business?” She kept comparing her friend’s situation to ours.
This past week, she’s continued to prod, asking why I’m not higher up in my job, if I’m settling, or if I don’t try hard enough. She admitted she wishes she didn’t have to work, saying it’s “not her dream” to have a regular job.
I’ve started feeling really low about myself. I even looked online for higher-paying jobs, but realistically, there aren’t many I’m qualified for. I told her I’m sorry and that I’m doing my best, but she’s been dismissive.
I don’t know how to handle this. I want to support her, but I also need her to understand that it’s not possible for her to be a stay-at-home wife right now. I feel stuck between her expectations and the reality of our lives.
