I’m still not sure if I handled this the right way, so I’m here for an outside perspective.
Last weekend, a small group of friends (5 of us total) made plans to meet up for dinner and then walk around a local street fair. The plan itself was casual, but it was something we’d all agreed on earlier in the week. I cleared my evening for it. The day of, we were coordinating through a group chat. I messaged asking what time we were meeting and where exactly. No one responded. About 15 minutes later, I saw two people in the chat sending memes to each other, so I figured they’d seen my message and would answer soon. They didn’t. I sent a follow-up about 20 minutes later asking if plans had changed. Still nothing.
At that point, I assumed maybe everyone was already together and just forgot to loop me in, but I didn’t want to jump to conclusions. I went ahead and drove to the general area we’d talked about, thinking I’d figure it out when I got there. I parked, walked around for a bit, and kept checking my phone. Eventually I saw on social media that two of them were already at a restaurant nearby. I didn’t want to cause a scene or make things awkward, so instead of confronting anyone, I just went home.
I didn’t announce that I was leaving or send a passive-aggressive message. I figured it was better to cool off and talk about it later. The next morning, one friend messaged asking why I ghosted the plan and said it was rude to disappear without saying anything. I explained that I’d asked multiple times for details, didn’t get responses, and didn’t feel comfortable showing up uninvited once it seemed like things had already started without me. They said I should’ve spoken up more directly and that leaving without saying anything made it look like I didn’t care.
I said it felt like I was already being sidelined, and I didn’t want to beg for attention. Now the group feels a little tense. Some friends think I overreacted and should’ve just walked up to them anyway, while others say it’s reasonable not to chase people who aren’t responding. I didn’t intend to punish anyone I just didn’t want to force myself into a situation where I clearly wasn’t being included. AITA for leaving quietly instead of pushing my
