Hi everyone, sorry this is long; I want to give enough context. My boyfriend and I went out of town this weekend to celebrate our anniversary. We spent the day doing activities around the city and then went to dinner.
He’s not much of a drinker, but because we were celebrating he had a few drinks. By the time we returned to the hotel he was clearly intoxicated, but I still wanted to enjoy the night, so we settled in and started watching TV.
Out of nowhere he said, “I went through your phone and saw that you were unfaithful to your ex‑fiancé. I could never marry someone like that.” He added that he’d known for a long time and if I wanted to be with him I needed to be honest.
I was engaged back in 2014, and apparently he had scrolled way back through my phone and found old messages and photos from that period. I’m a bit of a hoarder with messages and photos; I rarely delete anything. I have texts going back to 2012.
The thing is, everything he saw was from after my ex and I had already broken up. I tried calmly to explain that timeline, but he refused to listen and kept repeating his accusation.
He began yelling and using demeaning language, calling me things like “promiscuous” and “undeserving.” He insisted I was a terrible person and that he could never marry me. It escalated until I felt unsafe.
When he went to the bathroom I went downstairs and asked hotel security to help me gather my things so I could leave safely. Security came up with me, and even then he tried to persuade me not to go. Security had to tell him several times he could not stop me from leaving.
I stayed with a relative nearby for the night. Since then he’s texted nonstop, telling me I’m “not marriage material,” that I’m a bad person for leaving him there, and that he could never trust me. I’m honestly hurt and confused. I’ve never been unfaithful to him or to my ex.
Does he have a right to be upset? Is this something worth trying to work through?
