Sophie and I have been best friends since the first grade. She was my next-door neighbor growing up, we went to the same college, and later found jobs in the same city. We’ve been roommates since we were about 25.
Looking back, it almost feels like we’ve been a couple all along. But I never thought of her romantically after our teenage years. She had a boyfriend at 17, Rick, who tragically drowned just after we graduated high school. She was devastated, and I helped her through it. That loss bonded us deeply, and we became inseparable.
It wasn’t one-sided—we shared interests, hobbies, and spent nearly all our time together. When she struggled with sleepless nights after Rick’s death, she’d come over, and I was always there. Eventually, we graduated, moved to the same city, and decided to live together to save money and because we were always together anyway.
Now I realize we’ve essentially been a couple, just without intimacy. She dated casually, and so did I, but neither of us found lasting connections.
Two weeks ago, while watching wrestling, she began crying softly. Sitting close, I put my arm around her. She admitted she was upset about struggling to find a partner, saying she felt unattractive. I reassured her, telling her she was beautiful and that plenty of men would want her. Jokingly, I said, “If we weren’t best friends, I’d have tried to be with you years ago.”
She gave me a look that felt like a switch had flipped. I kissed her, and we ended up in each other’s arms. After a few minutes, I stopped, asking if we were sure about this. We agreed that after 25 years of friendship, sharing intimacy once shouldn’t ruin us.
It turned out to be the most meaningful experience I’ve ever had. Since then, we’ve been together physically almost every day. We keep saying we’ll talk about it, but we delay. I’m scared, because I’ve realized I’ve been in love with her all along. That’s why no one else ever felt right.
I hope she feels the same. If she doesn’t, I don’t know how I could go back to just being friends.
Update: I told her how I felt. At first, she looked upset, and I feared rejection. But then she cried, hugged me, and admitted she’d been waiting for me to say this since college. She said she thought it would never happen, which is why she avoided talking after we first became intimate.
Now, we’re together, finally acknowledging what’s been there all along.
