We’re both in our early 30s, married, no children, and we own a house together with a mortgage.
My husband worked at the same company for nearly a decade. He earned a solid salary, but the last few years were difficult because of his overbearing boss. He often talked about quitting, and I told him I’d support that decision as long as he had another job lined up.
Last year, he quit suddenly after what seemed like a minor dispute. He later described it as “the straw that broke the camel’s back.” He had no other job lined up. He assured me he had savings to live on and wanted time to “re-calibrate.” He also mentioned vague business ideas he wanted to pursue before returning to the workforce. Trying to be supportive, I agreed.
Fast forward eight months—he has no income and hasn’t applied for a single job. He hasn’t even updated his résumé. Instead, he spends his time smoking weed, dabbling in scammy “work-from-home” schemes that earn nothing, and most recently, trying to become an Instagram influencer.
To be fair, he has done some handy work around the house, fixing small things. But most of his days are spent online or disengaged, while I shoulder the majority of our financial responsibilities. We used to split bills evenly, but now it’s closer to 80/20.
The last time I tried to talk seriously about his future, he “joked” that I could divorce him and pay alimony if I didn’t like the situation. Then he broke down, saying he might be depressed. I felt awful and offered support, but looking back, I wonder if it was just a way to deflect the conversation.
I’ve grown resentful. I feel stuck between compassion for him and frustration at carrying the weight of our household alone.
What would you do in my shoes?
