I had my first child nearly five years ago. Even before giving birth, I immersed myself in gentle parenting content, carefully studying the latest theories on discipline and emotional development. I was determined to raise my child with a method I believed would be better than what I experienced growing up.
Over the years, there were moments of joy and moments of frustration with my child’s behavior. But in the past year, things began to steadily decline. Meltdowns became routine, and destructive behaviors escalated whenever my child didn’t get their way.
I tried to follow every script and piece of advice I had read—being firm yet kind, allowing emotions to be expressed, and calmly discussing how we could improve once the storm had passed. None of it seemed to make a difference.
Last week, I finally lost my patience. Once again, my child screamed and threw food at dinner, declaring it “disgusting.” This was food they had previously enjoyed and asked for. I raised my voice, telling them I was tired of the attitude and that if they didn’t want to eat, there would be no alternatives—no snacks, no sugar. My husband didn’t yell, but he agreed something had to change.
Since that evening, we removed privileges: screens, sweets, snacks, and even some toys from my mother. These had been allowed in moderation, but enforcing boundaries always led to anger and aggression.
To my surprise, we are beginning to see improvement. My child has started apologizing after calming down and is managing to keep a steadier attitude when rules are enforced.
It has been an adjustment. My child calls me a “rude mommy” because my tolerance for misbehavior is gone, and I have been stern. Yet, their behavior is improving, and I can’t ignore that.
I confess, I feel guilty. I sometimes think I’m being harsh, even cruel. But I also wonder if gentle parenting was misleading me all along. Perhaps a firmer hand was needed from the start.
Has anyone else had this experience? Is gentle parenting overrated? Do some children truly respond better to stricter discipline?
I cry to my husband, worried I am damaging our child. He reassures me they are simply adjusting to a new normal. Still, I long for reassurance that I am not making a terrible mistake.
