I’m 21 now, a university student, and something has been weighing heavily on me. About a month ago, after a night out, I went home with a girl I’d been chatting with for about a week. Things became intimate, and she performed oral sex on me. We stopped there—she said she didn’t want to go further because she hadn’t shaved. After that evening, our communication faded, and I didn’t think much more about it.
Yesterday, however, I learned something that unsettled me deeply. Through a friend of a friend who knew her from high school, I was told that this girl is actually a transwoman. More troubling, I was told she has a pattern of engaging in sexual acts with men without disclosing that fact.
In the UK, this kind of situation is legally considered sexual assault by deception. Hearing that left me shocked, upset, and confused. I feel strongly that I had a right to know beforehand. We had spoken for a week before that night, so there was ample opportunity for her to be honest with me.
I keep replaying the events in my mind. At the time, it felt like a casual encounter, nothing more. But now, with this new information, I feel betrayed. It wasn’t about the act itself—it was about the lack of disclosure, the absence of choice.
I’ve been torn about what to do. Part of me wonders if I should report this to the police or even to the university. Another part of me just wants to bury the memory and move on, as if it never happened.
The emotional conflict is difficult to describe. On one hand, I don’t want to cause harm or stir up drama. On the other, I feel my trust was violated, and that’s not something I can easily dismiss.
I’ve spoken to a few friends, and their reactions vary. Some say I should take action, others say to let it go. But the truth is, I’m left feeling unsettled, as though my agency was taken from me.
I keep thinking about how important honesty is in any relationship, even a brief one. Without it, consent becomes compromised. That’s what troubles me most—the sense that I was denied the ability to make an informed choice.
I don’t know if I’ll ever fully resolve how I feel about this. For now, I’m trying to process the situation, to understand what it means for me, and to decide whether to pursue any formal action or simply move forward.
What I do know is that this experience has left me wary, more cautious, and far more aware of how vital transparency is in human connections.
