I need to release this from my heart because it happened just last night. I am 23, and I was with my aunt and her husband—he is in his mid-fifties, and they have been married for more than a decade—at a food and wine festival. I have known him throughout those years, and nothing like this has ever occurred before.
I drank far too much, to the point of blacking out. I stumbled through the festival, scraped my knees, and was so visibly intoxicated that staff members asked if I was alright and suggested I stop drinking. Toward the end of the evening, my aunt’s husband gripped my waist tightly, and in my impaired state I began dancing against him. Now, sober, the memory fills me with disgust and guilt.
He escalated quickly. We went to a restaurant with my aunt, though my recollection is hazy. When we were alone, he kept trying to touch me. I was mumbling, stumbling, and not reciprocating at all.
The moment I began to feel this crossed into assault was when he went beyond groping. My aunt and he dropped me home, but lingered for a while. My brother was in the room, and my aunt was drunk, so he followed me into empty spaces of the house to touch me. I eventually told them both to leave, because I was drunk and wanted to be alone with my brother. Afterward, I collapsed in my parents’ bed—my parents are away on holiday, so only my brother and I are at home.
This next part is painful to recount.
He returned hours later, after I had already fallen asleep. I woke to his looming figure as he began touching me. I told him to stop, and he left—only to come back again. I repeated “stop, please.” He kissed my neck and insisted he thought I “wanted this.” I felt violated, ashamed, and unable to sleep afterward.
Part of me feels I allowed this to happen, though another part knows I have never behaved this way with him, drunk or sober. He was making excuses. I also believe he took advantage of the fact that my parents were away, letting himself into the house when he otherwise would not have dared.
This morning, he texted me asking how I was and how my hangover felt. I am repulsed. I never want to see him again.
I want to tell my aunt, but guilt weighs heavily on me. I have a sister, and he has never acted this way toward her. I fear blame will fall on me. I am struggling to make sense of it all.
