I (32M) was in a serious car accident, but I’ll be able to leave the hospital soon. The doctors said I won’t have any permanent damage, but I’ll go through a long rehabilitation process to be able to walk normally again and, at least for the first few months, I’ll need help with basic things.
I’ve been in a relationship for five years with my girlfriend (30), but we don’t live together. When my mother came to visit me, she asked whether I wanted her to move into my place or whether my girlfriend would give me the support I need. I talked to my girlfriend, assuming she would move in with me for at least the 6-8 months it will take for me to be able to take care of myself again. She was very clear in saying that she would not move in and would not help me in the way I was expecting. Her plan was to pay for a carer for me and visit so we could spend time together, since I won’t be able to go out for a while like we used to.
I should say that I’m not doing well with the idea of being so dependent, but I had convinced myself that this experience could strengthen our relationship. My father had a workplace accident when I was 12, and my memories of my mother taking care of him shaped part of my idea of love and devotion. That’s what I was clinging to in order to cope with what I imagine will be a few very humiliating and difficult months for me.
It was quite shocking to hear her say that she will take care of me, just in her own way, and that if I’m not okay with that, then I should ask my mother to take care of me instead.
There are cultural factors as well. I’m American, and her family seems to have travelled half the world. On her mother’s side, her great-grandmother was Italian and emigrated to Brazil, where she married a Portuguese man. On her father’s side, her grandfather was Dutch, emigrated to Spain, and married a Spanish woman. My girlfriend was born in Brazil but lived for many years in France and in the UK. I mention this because we’ve already faced many cultural differences (hers coming from multiple cultures), and I don’t know whether this is another case of that.
In any case, there wasn’t an argument. It’s hard to argue with her because, well, she doesn’t argue. She might as well be the Dalai Lama’s daughter, she rarely loses her patience and is very articulate. She simply laid out the options and told me to decide.
Saying I’m unhappy would be an understatement. But what she proposed does make sense, and that’s what makes me wonder whether I’m being an idiot for being upset about it.
So, AITAH?
