I am a 44‑year‑old mother with a 16‑year‑old son. He has had a girlfriend, also 16, for the past seven months. My husband, who is 46, and I have never tried to shame intimacy or teenage parenting to our children. We believe that prevention does not come from silence, but from knowledge. Our son knows about protection, emergency contraception, and birth control. We have told him that adulthood is the right time for such decisions, but we also understand that teenagers will make choices regardless.
One evening, my son asked my husband and me to sit down in the living room. He is not the type to initiate serious talks, so I assumed something had happened at school. I was completely wrong. He revealed that his girlfriend is expecting a child. I had no idea they were being intimate. I didn’t expect him to announce it, but I thought they had little time alone. Yet, as I said before, if there is determination, there is a way.
After asking questions, I learned she had just discovered this two days earlier. She missed her cycle last week, took a test, and it came back positive. She does not want to tell her parents yet. They had been using protection each time, so this was a shock. I asked if she would be willing to talk with us, and my son said she had already asked if she could.
An hour later, she came over. My husband and I spoke with her. She was visibly upset, though this was only the third time I had met her, so I thought nerves played a role. She explained she is a 4.0 GPA student, aiming for the highest diploma, and dreams of becoming a psychiatrist. Tears flowed as she shared her fears. I asked what she wanted to do. At first, she said if we wanted to be grandparents, she would keep the child. I told her not to think of us, not even of my son, but of herself.
She admitted that raising a child would derail her future for at least a decade. I suggested she consider adoption or possibly ending the pregnancy. After more tears and discussion, she said she would tell her parents she preferred an abortion. I offered to cover the cost if necessary, since my son was involved.
Later that evening, around 8 PM, her mother called me. I don’t know how she got my number, but she was furious, accusing me of encouraging her daughter to destroy their grandchild and calling me a murderer. I explained that her daughter has a bright future, and I don’t want to see it lost because she is 16 and involved with my son. I even said that if they break up someday, custody and child support would be a nightmare.
Her mother insisted they wanted her to keep the baby. At that point, I told her that if she forced her daughter to carry the child, I would personally take the baby to the fire department and surrender it. She hurled insults at me, and I eventually hung up.
My husband now says perhaps we should never have spoken to our son’s girlfriend and let them figure it out themselves. But I love my son dearly, and I know he is not ready to be a father. He manages his chores only with effort, and we often help him. He struggles with depression, is in therapy, and cannot hold a job right now.
I do not want to see a baby born into unstable conditions. Yet I recognize that I may have been harsh with her mother. So I ask myself: was I truly the one in the wrong?
